HOMILY FOR MEN’S MINISTRY MASSMEMORIAL OF ST SCHOLASTICA
ST JEROME’S CHURCH, PUNCHBOWL, 10 FEBRUARY 2025
My beloved Dominican brother, Fr Dominic Murphy, once gave a series on the Theology of the Body in which he proposed that all men are genetically somewhat autistic and all women at least a little neurotic. Men can be so practically-focused that they fail to pick up cues and appreciate the emotional impact of their actions and inattentions, while women can overfocus on such things.
Dom explained all this rather better than I do! But his insight parallelled one popularised by John Gray, whose Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus sold over 15 million copies and became shorthand for the differences between the sexes.[1] The blend of scientific findings, personal anecdote, conversational style and practical solutions gave it broad appeal—especially for those seeking to understand themselves better, to improve their ways of communicating and relating, or to understand the distinct needs of men and women. Some have criticized Gray’s Mars/Venus divide as too simplistic, but his emphasis upon actively listening especially to people of the opposite sex, understanding and accommodating differences, resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships are all hard to argue with.
Gray’s wasn’t the first such relationship ‘self-help’ book. Cicero’s Laelius de amicitia (On Friendship) was written in 44 BC, Ovid’s Ars amatoria (The Art of Loving) in 2 AD, and several Conduir-amour (love guides) in the middle ages. Samuel Smiles’ Self-Help came in 1859, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936, and innumerable books, agony aunt columns, movies, blogs, podcasts, life-coaches, online dating services, help groups and other hacks promise to maximise our potential for relating or otherwise succeeding.
Whether obvious on the surface or more deeply buried, every one of these comes with assumptions about the human person, relationships and the good life. Yet in the modern world, all these things are highly contested. Donald Trump might recently have declared that the only two sexes are men and women, but that obvious truth wouldn’t have needed a presidential decree but for a decade or more of campaigns to eradicate the biological reality of sex and replace it with an ever-shifting concept of self-invented gender. Some of our Australian health authorities are now daring to question the helpfulness of puberty blockers and ‘gender affirming’ mutilation, but they are encountering a great deal of resistance, even hate, for doing so. If our conceptions of the human person, human good and human relationships are skewed, any advice offered by help experts will be partial, even harmful.
On this day following “Word of God Sunday”, we might recall that the wisest ‘help book’ by far, written by God and His agents, is of course the Bible, and it begins precisely with the nature of the human person, human good and human relationships. From the first verses of the Book of Genesis onwards, we are offered wisdom about Creator and creatures, the eternal plan the First has for the second and eternal need the latter has for the Former; about the truth, beauty and goodness of creation—as well as its fragility and corruptibility; about human beings being made in God’s image with intelligence, freedom and emotions, so they can choose the good—or not; about their fundamental equality yet coming in two models, male and female, to complement each other as helpmates and co-parents; about their mission to understand and steward creation in service of the growing human community; about that inherited brokenness we call original sin and all the not-so-original sins that have damaged us ever since; and so much more. All that in just a few verses, and so much more wisdom in the chapters and books that follow!
Many help sources address some part of the human good—such as diet, exercise and other physical self-care; cultivating character, acquiring skills and informing intellect; finding and advancing in meaningful work and interests; developing and maintaining healthy relationships; practicing compassion, justice and gratitude, and serving the common good of communities; investment strategies and financial literacy. These can be genuinely helpful. But they are partial. And they often neglect the spiritual dimension of the human person, what unites and makes sense of all the rest.
Adam and Eve might have been fit and healthy enough to walk around naked, financially secure in a paradise providing all their needs, emotionally in a good place with each other and their growing family, educated enough to be classifying all creation. Yet without a grasp not only of their potential but also their limits, of the Maker’s plan for them and reverence for it, of a sound moral and spiritual compass, their self-help adviser, Dr Satan Serpent, would lead them terribly astray.
The divine wisdom of the Bible and Church teaching is the best of guide because, in the end, it’s not about self-help but about God-help. Relying on our own ideas, or even those of others as fallible as us, will only take us so far. Mired in sin and its disastrous effects, Genesis calls us to return to our Maker for healing and wholeness, direction and fulfilment. Like those in our Gospel today, we must recognise God’s presence in Jesus and reach out to touch Him if we would be healed (Mk 6:53-56)—in our bodies and souls, our humanity and sexuality, our imagination and memory, our relationships and futures. We experience that healing presence most profoundly in the sacramental life of Baptism, Confession and Holy Communion, where Christ shares His very self with us.
St Scholastica, whose memorial we celebrate today, was the twin sister of St Benedict and founder with him of twin orders of monks and nuns. Both embraced their faith and humanity in the monastic life, one as a man would, the other as a woman. St Gregory the Great records that the twins used to leave their respective monasteries once a year to meet up and talk about holy things.[2] At their last such meeting, in the year 543, Schol was enjoying their spiritual banter so much she begged her brother Benny to hang around a while longer. A typical man, his whole focus was on getting back home before dark, as the rule and commonsense required, while she was attending more on their emotional and spiritual needs. So Schol prayed to God and He sent a terrible storm that forced her brother to remain indoors. Benedict roused on her, to which she responded: “I asked a favour of you and you refused, so I asked it of God and He has granted it.”[3]
Neither knew it, but Scholastica was in fact dying and her divinely inspired scheme allowed her some last counsel from the great spiritual master that was her brother. Rather than seeing it as a battle between head and heart, rules and freedom, the autistic and the neurotic, we might see it as a beautiful example of a proper human love strengthened by divine grace. And that reminds us all, that whatever our identities and differences, we are called to the same ultimate end: union with God in love. As you carry out your important men’s ministry, continue to strive for holiness in all you do, to lead others to the God of love, and to proclaim by your life His offer of healing, salvation and sanctification. And when that gets hard, just reach out and touch His cloak in the sacraments…
[1] John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (HarperCollins, 1992).
[2] Gregory the Great, Dialogues, Book II, c.33.
[3] Alban Butler, Lives of the Saints, edited by Bernard Bangley (Brewster MA: Paraclete Press, 2005), 32.
INTRODUCTION TO MEN’S MINISTRY MASS – MEMORIAL OF ST SCHOLASTICA, ST JEROME’S CHURCH, PUNCHBOWL, 10 FEBRUARY 2025
Welcome to St Jerome’s Punchbowl for this evening’s Men’s Ministry Mass. As always it is a joy to be with you for the celebration of the Eucharist and the barbecue afterwards.
Today is the memorial of St Scholastica, foundress of the Benedictine nuns, and sister of St Benedict of Nursia who is credited as founding the Western monastic tradition.
I thank Fr Joseph Gedeon for his annual invitation and each of you who participate in this beautiful ministry, for the strength of your faith and your willingness to be a shining light to men in our Archdiocese and beyond.
