Fathers and Mothers

+ Cardinal George Pell, Archbishop of Sydney
5 Sep 2004

Slowly – and with some kicking and screaming – the sexual revolution is being reassessed. Its promise was liberation. But what did it really deliver?

It certainly delivered freedom for male promiscuity. Sex without commitment has been a big win for men. It’s not quite so clear that it has also been a win for women.

As American commentator Danielle Crittenden has observed, the main form of equality the sexual revolution has brought about is an equality of powerlessness among women. “The woman who holds back from sex, waiting for the right man to come along, will find that no right man does—because he can get what he wants elsewhere—just as the woman who gives herself freely discovers that she holds no firmer grip over him, either.”

From the male point of view, Crittenden argues, the sexual revolution could be summed up as “You mean I get to do whatever I want – and then leave? Great!”

But what looks like a win is in fact no win at all. Among individuals – as opposed to corporations - there are no victors from the sexual revolution; only victims.

Children have been the biggest losers. More than education, income, or ethnicity, family structure is becoming the most reliable indicator of whether kids will get into serious trouble in terms of crime, welfare or mental health.

Women who continually come up against men who won’t commit lose in many ways, not least in growing feelings of resentment, loneliness, and regret – especially if they have missed the opportunity to have children.

But men lose too. The sexual cornucopia they enjoy helps them to grow old as adolescents. Adulthood means taking on responsibility for others. Living selfishly is inconsistent with genuine manhood.

Father’s Day provides an opportunity not only to thank all those good men who dedicate their lives to their children and to the mother of their children, but to reflect on what it means to be a man – and on what happens when men refuse to take on manhood.

We know what committed fathers do for their children. Boys and girls flourish physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually when they have the benefit of a strong relationship with a loving father.

We know too what loving and marrying a woman does for a man. There are numerous example of “bad men”, often with prison records or a history of serious trouble-making, who are completely transformed through loving and being loved by a woman. A man in love is a man subdued.

But what do men do for women? Do women flourish when a man dedicates his life to her and their children? If so, in what ways? If not, why?

These are politically incorrect questions. Perhaps my braver readers can tell me what they think the answers are.