Fathers Day
+ Cardinal George Pell, Archbishop of Sydney
7 Sep 2003
Until recently it was thought that in the first couple of years of a child’s life the involvement of his or her father was not that important. At this early age, so the argument ran, the child is only capable of forming one strong attachment, and that will be with the person most involved in caring for the child at this stage – usually the mother.
New research challenges this assumption and proves what every family with a few children knows from daily experience: that very young children are capable of forming numerous attachments and that these attachments to mother, father, brothers and sisters are crucial to the child’s sense of security and happiness.
One family I know has an eleven week old girl. While she always gives Mum and Dad approving looks, she reserves her biggest smiles and her happiest babbles for her big sister and her two bold brothers. There’s no doubt watching this that the work of forming multiple attachments is well underway with this little girl.
Because these attachments, especially to parents, are so important to the development of happy and confident children, we have to do all that we can to strengthen the source of them: the family. When there is family breakdown, keeping them alive becomes an even greater priority.
No one disputes the benefits for children from strong relationships with both their mother and father. These benefits are all the greater when parents work together as a team to make a life together for themselves and their children. But even when divorce or separation make this impossible, maintaining strong relationships with the non-custodial parent still brings advantages for children.
In Australia the non-custodial parent is usually the father. Sometimes this is for good reason. In other cases fathers who are seriously committed to their children may feel this represents an injustice.
The best situation after divorce is for the parents to agree to work for shared custody of children wherever that is possible. This might take the simple form of giving the non-custodial father first right of refusal whenever the custodial mother needs someone to look after the kids. But this will only be practical where the hurt caused by the divorce to all involved can be kept under control.
We need to deal with these situations compassionately and ensure that the disadvantage to children is minimised. But our long term goal must be to make more and more families places where love and mutual service enable both children and parents to flourish.
