A Teenager's View Of Marriage, Family And Values

Catholic Communications, Sydney Archdiocese,
26 Aug 2009

At the National Marriage Day breakfast in Canberra on August 13 attended by 500 leading marriage and family organisations, community groups and politicians, 19 year old Jessica Langrell gave a personal testimony on what family and marriage means to her and why she eschews the so-called modern values of casual sex and relationships without love or commitment.

Here is the full text of this extraordinary young woman's testimony which she delivered as part of the first ever RISE Australia Conference in Canberra on August 12 and 13:

Jessica Langrell on her family and the values she lives by and treasures.

"When I began to write a small and brief account of my life, it was a humbling experience as it has become evidently clear to me how much I have been given, and how little I have given in return, and of course how much I now need to give.

The reason I am speaking here on National Marriage Day – is my family.

I have been lucky to have been brought up in a loving, supportive and faithful family - that is the foundation and underlying reason why I am so passionately and fervently standing up to celebrate and protect the great tradition of marriage. I am so deeply proud and honoured to be here with my parents and to thank them for being a living example of true fidelity in my life.

I've got to be honest, my parents have spoiled each of the children in my family – never missing a sports game, attending every presentation night. And most importantly always being there to talk to. How blessed I am. My parents are my best friends, I confide everything in them and hide nothing – what they are I only hope to become.

My parents and their example have made clear to me that the beautiful vocation of marriage is the very nature of men and women, uniting the two great halves of humanity. It is not a political institution, in fact marriage existed long before the state did. Despite the variations it's undergone through different cultures and attitudes – these differences can't let us forget the common and permanent characteristics marriage invokes; a life-long, faithful, monogamous bond that allows men and women to participate in a sort of community oriented by nature to the rearing and education of children, in part, building and sustaining our future society.

The married couple are called to grow continually in their ‘one flesh' communion renewing daily their marital vows and their total, mutual self giving where they are no longer two, but become one flesh for the sake of their committed relationship and the benefit of their children – and that ladies and gentlemen is something worth celebrating and protecting.

As a young person, I and many others my age live in a world of turbulence and consumerism but one also of profound beauty and enormous opportunity. I left the familiar and comfortable surrounding environment of school two years ago and have since learnt much about relationships and social behaviour.

Singleness is no safeguard against immorality – in every heart, purity requires constant watchfulness, a daily fight against the flesh, and a firm attitude against wrong doings.

After the first couple of months out of school, I found myself facing the typical and expected culture of the clubbing scene, binge drinking and meaningless hook-ups. I quickly found myself under enormous pressure to either follow this vulnerable route or to struggle towards the other option, the road less travelled, which at first seemed boring and distant.

As I learned in the hard way – culture influences conduct. Young people want to be—and want to appear to be—normal. So it is hardly surprising that many of us are swayed by whatever happens to be regarded as the norm. But that's just not a good enough excuse to get caught up in the pressures of adolescence, everyone, every teenager has to choose to embody one sort of conduct over another. Although few choose that "alternative lifestyle" of living by traditional moral virtues – it is our responsibility to embody, express, and encourage it for all our friends.

Little did I know the opportunities of this "alternate lifestyle" which the media and today's culture so blatantly refuses. I pushed myself and at times struggled to get actively involved in things that mattered, I attended social events, mixed with young people who shared similar values and views such as RISE and proactively seeking to develop as an individual, true to myself rather than a follower of the more accepted path; conquering true freedom.

In taking these steps I have found myself living the life every teenager should – even though this lifestyle calls us to a daily fight against the flesh, and a firm attitude to deny temptation and pressure from the media  - I was able to honestly choose the good and beautiful by living a life of service and giving rather than consuming and taking.

Unfortunately, today, "sexual health" advisors do not supply the need because they see their roles, not as promoting self-discipline and high moral standards, but as providing "non-judgmental" advice about how to have sex while avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and infections.

This is simply not fair to young people like ourselves who see things differently. We who oppose the hook up culture and want to support each other in resisting it - promote a more self-giving, dignified and fulfilling way of life. Young people want to be challenged, to be pushed to the edge, to experience the thrill - we want to challenge them. We are challenging young people to be courageous and act with integrity, but also in truth, clarity and sharpness. That is the essence of living a life of integrity in and outside of a relationship, and it is the challenge which we are all called to fight.

I stand on behalf of the entire RISE Team as the new generation who genuinely believe that romantic relationships are properly oriented toward marriage and that sex belongs in marriage, not outside it – and we want to show how this is the better way for all young people of Australia. We do not want hook ups; instead, we aspire to a way of life that is pure, chaste and satisfying that results in strong marriages and healthy families and in the end, a culture that flourishes.

In saying this - we need you to stand with us – mothers/fathers/grandparents/politicians/religious - open your eyes, and then your minds and hearts, to the needs of us young people who struggle to lead chaste lives despite our immersion in the culture of promiscuity.

The RISE team is leading the way to make this radical lifestyle an attractive and true choice that should and will be available to all young people.